Details of our family and home

Why we want to adopt:

Prior to being married we discussed our plan for having children and starting a family. We had talked about adoption and decided at some point that we would adopt children. We were blessed just two years later by getting pregnant with a beautiful son. We absolutely love being parents and have always planned on having many children. With difficulties during pregnancies and failed pregnancies this last four years we were sad to think that maybe we would not have more children like we had planned. We felt discouraged and a deep sadness that our family was not complete. The discouragement has changed to hope as we have learned more and prepared for the joys of growing our family through adoption.


What is each of us like as a person?

Man (described by Erin): Ray is a good mix of laid back and determined. He plays hard and works hard. He has worked hard so that I can be a stay at home with our son. He loves being a father and plays with him a lot. They love wrestling, throwing the ball around and everything else that boys love to do. He has built and is currently managing his own business and enjoys taking a leadership role. He is a loving family leader who works together with me in making our family decisions and is truly a wonderful husband. He has a great sense of humor and loves to play jokes and make surprises.

Woman (described by Ray): Erin is energetic and fun. She loves her family and has strong friendships with her family. She loves being a mother and spends her time each day with our son. She supports me in my business and brings our son to watch my basketball and football games that I play in. Erin likes to plan ahead yet will pull out the spontaneous side of her to bring fun to any situation. She is always being silly and loves surprises. She is great with children.

Our son- Bryce is an active, vibrant, happy little 4 year old boy. He is kind and loving and loves to be silly. He loves playing with our dog, puzzles, jumping on the trampoline, running around the yard, swimming, riding his scooter, going to the park and the beach, playing with his trains and cars, and pretending himself into adventures of every kind. He enjoys preschool and having other children over to play with. He is looking forward to having a little "boy or girl", as he says (meaning younger brother or sister). He has even said that he would be willing to let them play with his toys, "not the big ones, just the little ones", he says.


Education level and field:

Man: I took some college courses prior to earning a California State HVAC Mechanical Business and Law License. I have had further training in mechanical codes and systems as well to continue education in my field. I currently own and manage a Heating and Cooling business servicing all of San Diego County. I am also CPR/ First Aid trained and certified.

Woman: I took some college courses but spent most of my training working as a nanny, a one on one class aid to children with special needs, and of course spending the last four years as a stay at home mother.


Employment (prior/ current):

Man: I have worked in the Heating and Cooling industry for over 8 years. I worked for two different businesses as a service technician while learning and preparing to start my own company. I have owned my business for three years and have enjoyed the opportunity to learn and exercise the managing and leadership skills necessary to maintain it.

Woman: I have been in various childcare positions beginning with caring for my younger siblings regularly while growing up. I have been a full time nanny for two families, worked in an infant day care, worked with the San Diego School District and Lakeside School District as a student aid in special needs classes, and have worked at a specialty school primarily for children with autism. One amazing boy I worked with for about 7 months was blind and deaf. I have also spent time in administrative positions including being an accountant’s assistant for a large construction company. While all opportunities have been worthwhile and educational, none compare to the fun of my current “occupation” as a full time mother. I love my days spent helping to teach, encourage, and play with our four year old. He is a great kid!


Employment and child care plans when child comes:

Ray will continue owning and managing his business and Erin will continue to be the daily caregiver for the children. We are grateful for the ability to care for our children personally rather than having them cared for by strangers in a daycare.


Religion (how active, how will we raise the child):

We are members of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We love to learn and grow closer to the Savior by doing our best to live the principles He taught. We attend church each Sunday and both serve in callings at church. Ray is the President of the Elders Quorum men’s group and Erin is the second counselor in the Primary children’s group presidency. We pray as a family each day to show gratitude for our blessings and to seek for guidance. We plan on helping our children learn that they are children of a loving Heavenly Father and that He gave His Son, Jesus Christ, to live a perfect life as an example for us. We hope that in learning these truths and gaining a personal testimony of Jesus Christ, they too will follow His example to try their best to live the principles He taught. As they get older, it will be their decision whether they want to continue going to church.


Interest, hobbies and sports (individual and shared):

As a family we enjoy being silly, playing at the beach, flying kites, playing games, weekly Monday family night, sledding/ snowboarding, movies, being outdoors, going to the park, going to the San Diego Zoo or Wild Animal Park (we have year passes), traveling, family vacations, annual family reunions, dinner parties with our extended family, dancing, singing, concerts, live theater, art, creative writing, reading and practically anything else that will bring simple fun. Our son, Bryce enjoys playing with cars, legos, puzzles, reading stories, playing outside and playing sports with his Dad. Ray enjoys football, baseball, golfing, snowboarding and just about every other sport. Erin enjoys surfing, reading, writing, dancing, and theater.


Reading (type):

We LOVE to read. We read to our son before his nap and at bedtime each day. We read children’s books, of course. He has about 100 books in his little library. He loves to read by looking at the pictures and he loves to be read to. Erin likes to read educational books and parenting magazines.


TV Viewing (type and how much):

The TV channels we enjoy watching are the movie channels, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, KPBS Kids, and Sports. We enjoy watching family oriented programs. We do not watch R rated movies and only allow Bryce to watch G or PG rated movies. We have a lot of movies that we love. We watch TV together just about every day but we limit our TV viewing time to one or two shows a day. We never have the TV just playing in the background or watch it during meal time. (Except for football dinner parties.)


Music (type):

We LOVE music. We like anything that has good lyrics, has a good beat and is fun to dance to. We have the radio on whenever we are in the car and we sing along. Bryce has a few radio songs memorized already and has been a little singer since he started to talk. We don’t listen to any music that is crude or that swears. After stories with Dad and family prayer each night, Mom and Bryce sing a “quiet song” to help Bryce relax and fall asleep.


Describe your home (what makes it distinctly yours):

Our home is modest and we take effort in keeping it looking nice. We try to keep it tidy, but we know we are living “real life” and so it is never uncomfortably perfect like magazine pictures. We all strive to clean up after ourselves and during the day I usually pick an area to spend time cleaning. We have pictures of family up on the walls. Bryce’s area in the room has sports decorations and the baby area is decorated with zoo animals. We have an open home where family and friends are always welcome and we enjoy the time they come to visit. Our living room is usually decorated well with toys and a happy little 4 year old enjoying himself.


Describe your neighborhood (urban, rural etc.)

We live in a duplex apartment with a large yard. We live in a residential area.


Do you have pets? What kind?:

We have an Australian Shepherd dog that we absolutely love. We adopted him prior to being sent to the dog shelter. He is a great family dog with lots of energy and he also plays gentle with our son.


Year of marriage: 2003 We have no prior marriages


Describe the strengths of your relationship:

We communicate openly and honestly, we offer compassion and understanding to each other, we find humor in trials and challenges and we look for little things to do for each other.


How do you resolve conflicts in your marriage?

Man: I take time to communicate and consider solutions then talk with each other to make the right decision.

Woman: We discuss the options and find a compromise towards the most efficient way to solve the conflict.


How do husband and wife share the household responsibilities and chores?:

Since Ray is the primary “breadwinner”, Erin does most of the home duties during the week (cleaning, cooking, shopping, and laundry). Ray helps by taking out the trash and recyclables, helping with laundry in the evenings sometimes, feeding the dog each day and any other things that need his help. He is great at stepping in to help whenever it is needed around the house.


How do you as a family spend your time together? (how do you spend a typical weekend?)

Weekends are fun. We try to get outdoors and do something that Bryce really enjoys. We go to the park, Ray’s football games, out to lunch, over to our extended family members homes, take the dog to dog beach, run errands together or sometimes just enjoy being home for the day together. Sometimes Ray will take Bryce for a couple hours for Daddy time and Mom will get to spend a couple hours shopping or hanging out with her sisters. Sundays are family days that we spend going to church together and then being home to hang out together. During football season we have friends and family over to watch the games and have dinner.


Brief description of childhood (number of siblings, where you grew up, relationship with parents, significant memories /experiences etc.

Man: I grew up in Lemon Grove in my early years then moved to Lakeside. I was an only child but spent a lot of time with my cousins and extended family. I played sports from the time I was in little league at age 5 and have been in leagues or teams playing since. I was very close with my Grandparents whose example and time in helping to raise me made my childhood great. Holidays with family, sporting events and other opportunities for us to be together are cherished memories and things that we enjoy together still.

Woman: I grew up with 5 sisters and for a short time we had 4 cousins living with us. Our household was fun and always busy. We lived in a house my Dad built in Lakeside, California. We played outside almost every day, had daily chores, had friends over often and just enjoyed childhood together. When our cousins moved back in with their Dad after living together with us, it was a huge loss for us all. We had lived as brothers and sisters and suddenly the house seemed so empty. We get together at least once a year to hang out and spend time together again. I had a close relationship with my family.


Briefly describe a difficult life experience you had and how you learned from it.

Man: I have not had a relationship with my Dad. He has lived in Northern California and has not involved himself in my life. I have learned that it is a vital part of childhood to have a father. I had my Grandpa who stepped in and was a great example to me. I have learned how important it is to know and have a relationship with a father. I accept being a father to our son as one of the greatest responsibilities I have. I enjoy the time I spend with him and make an extra effort to be the kind of father every child needs and deserves.


Woman: I experienced a great sense of loss when my parents divorced. I was 21, yet it was hard to experience life without both of my parents in my life to work together in raising my younger siblings and support us older sisters as we started our own families. I learned that the times that I had living with both of them were the times I felt most secure and happy. I take my marriage and motherhood very seriously and understand the positive impact of having two parents in a home has on children. I absolutely love being able to provide that for Bryce and our future children.


Extended family (relationship with Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and geographical relatives: experiences and attitudes towards adoption.

Most of our extended families live in the San Diego area. We are all close in relationship and spend time together on birthdays, weddings, Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays. We have other family in Utah, Arizona, Nevada, Texas and Georgia. When we are able to get together as a whole group for weddings or family reunions we have a blast. Ray has 13 aunts and uncles and many cousins. Erin has 7 aunts and uncles and over 25 cousins.

We have an aunt, a cousin, a brother in law, one nephew and two second cousins that were adopted as children. We have one cousin who has placed a child for adoption at age 16 and we have step siblings who are currently in the middle of adopting their first child. Our family has had many experiences to enjoy the blessings of adoption and each child that has been adopted into our family has been welcomed with love and acceptance that is no different than those of us who are birth related. Everyone is very supportive and encouraging in our decision to grow our family through adoption. They have all been praying that we will soon find a child to love and welcome into our family. We understand that God has a plan for each of us and that adoption has been a very wonderful part of the plan for our family as a whole.


Experience with children:

Ray has had an opportunity these last 4 years in being a father to our son. Prior to that he was an older cousin in his family and spent a lot of time with his younger cousins. He also has been the brother in law to my younger sisters and an uncle to our 7 nieces and nephews. Erin has worked in various childcare situations. (See employment section.) She is also an older sister to three siblings and the four cousins that were raised in her home growing up. Most importantly she has been a mother for the last 4 years.


Children in home: adopted/biological description/ personality/ year of birth

We are blessed to have a vibrant, happy four year old little boy. He is 100% boy. He loves to be active, just like his dad. He has a determined personality and loves to be silly. He has an amazing imagination and is very social. We pray together each night and have been praying for a couple months now that we will find the child that will be Bryce’s little brother or sister. We had an adoption class two weeks ago and when we went to pick Bryce up from our parent’s house , who were babysitting for us, Bryce ran to us and said excitedly, “Is the baby in the car?” thinking that we had gone to get his new sibling to come home with us. He is really eager to have a sibling to play with and he will be a great “big brother”.


Description of child rearing practices and philosophy as well as ideas on discipline:

We have learned a lot since becoming parents and still have so much more to learn. We have learned that it is important to have rules and it is our job to teach our children to know them. We model good behaviors towards each other and try to do what is right ourselves. If he misbehaves he has to “miss out” on future fun things (for example: no play time for 4 minutes, no sweet treats for the day, he has to turn off his TV show etc.) Discipline is teaching children the rules and helping them understand why they are important, that way they can govern themselves in making the right choices. We use incentives to reward good behavior. We redirect his behavior, rather than punishing (example: screaming, hitting, calling names) because harsh punishing breaks trust and does not build respect: it builds fear and resentment. Instead we choose to offer loving discipline. If we need to be stern at times, we always follow with a loving hug, short explanation and encouragement that he can do better next time.


How are or will child care responsibilities be handled between husband and wife?

We share in the duties of caring for our son and will do the same for our future children. We try to invest equal time and involvement by switching off activities so that he gets one on one time with each of us at various times. Just as when Bryce was a baby, diaper changing, feeding, bathing and playtime will be shared between us both with future children. We work as a team: Mom, Dad and children.


Thoughts about relationship with birthparents: How do you feel about:

1- Meeting the birth parents prior to or at placement? We are comfortable and feel that it will be a good opportunity to learn all about the child and the birth family. It will also be an opportunity to share our gratitude for the family who is placing their baby in our family.

2- Updating of pictures and letters about the child over the years? We are open to it if there is a respectful relationship with the birth family. If it ever becomes an unhealthy situation for the child we will discontinue the communication until the child turns 18 at which time we will be supportive in them seeking to find/resume communication with their birth family.

3- Receiving pictures and letters from birth parents over the years? We are open to it if there is a respectful relationship with the birth family. If it ever becomes an unhealthy situation for the child we will discontinue the communication until the child turns 18 at which time we will be supportive in them seeking to find/resume communication with their birth family.

4- Supporting a search for birth parents? We will be 100% supportive